Thing 1 and Thing 2, I.E. there is now a T1 and a T2. The done and dusted once weres that still managed to hold some part of me and who both get to me in that deep, dark, dirty, nasty place I have to believe all have sexually but so many people ignore and deny. I wish I knew what it was about them so I could make it happen with other people, I would know what to look for.
Biting is part of it. They both bite in a way that leaves marks and there is something I like about seeing those little bruises the next day. There is the openness to experimentation, to having fun, not being so bloody serious. T2 growls, it is lovely. T1 knows just exactly where to touch me, what I like, he knew before we ever slept together because we talked about sex so much just as friends. There wasn’t the time with T2 but there is still a comfort level that I have with him that I want him around, want to be able to talk to him about sex, to just talk to him. I usually can’t wait to get rid of someone when things are done.
T2 sent pictures that I deleted all but one, I keep it around for crucial moments when nothing else is working and I have to close the deal, I pull it up and it reminds me of everything I liked about him sexually. I told him that today, testing the waters to see if it is going to wig him out, or if he is going to be able to stay around. I am not sure. He wants me to do all the work – to tell him everything without doing anything – it doesn’t work that way for me – I have to have reciprocation - I need to know what he is thinking, what his opinions are but the trust between us is interesting. I don’t know what if anything can come of our continued connection, but I want to find out. He amuses me so much. I just know his trust of what my motives are isn’t solid.
I dream about them, they are who my mind turns to when it thinks of sex. I have dreamt of K, but not in that way. I am not sure how that is going to play out. It worries me, there are things I need, a roughness I need that I won’t ever ask for because it has to just be there – it has to be natural or it doesn’t do anything for me. If it isn’t there to begin with – it never will be.
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