It is raining.  A nice steady, drenching rain.  The trees outside of work have started to shed their blooms and the rain has made them a carpet I had to walk upon on the way to my car.  I track the petals with me every where I go today. 

I am clear.  Clearer than I have been in a long time.  I am also in a lot of pain.  The pain I can deal with.  I think it tends to make me sharper in some regards.  I decided to cut off most of my hair this morning.  I couldn’t wait for the person who normally cuts my hair so I drove around until I found a place that would take walk-ins.  No more veil before my eyes, literally and figuratively. 

I am beginning to understand why I wasn’t as prepared for Darin’s death as I thought I was.  I couldn’t make sense of all the emotions that were flooding me.  The anger I got.  It is a waste.  I also felt abandon.  I revisited every death of all of those that I have loved who are gone and I sank deeper and deeper into the quick sand of my own mind.